Sometimes the hardest step in our personal growth is not learning something new, but unlearning a relationship that keeps pulling us away from ourselves.
We all have people in our lives with whom the connection feels complicated — perhaps confusing, emotionally heavy, or simply one-sided. These relationships may not be toxic in the dramatic sense, but they can be quietly draining, leaving us feeling uncertain, guilty, or unworthy. And often, these dynamics persist for years.
Why it's so hard to let go
Emotional entanglements don’t always resolve with time. In fact, time often deepens the patterns: we get used to the confusion, the hope, the on-and-off closeness. We may feel compassion for the other person’s struggle, and hold onto the belief that things might change.
But sometimes, the most loving thing we can do — for ourselves and the other person — is to take a step back and create space.
Taking distance is not rejection
Taking distance is an act of self-respect. It’s not an act of aggression or punishment. It’s a conscious choice to protect your energy, realign with your values, and invite peace back into your nervous system.
In mindfulness practice, we often speak about staying present. But being present does not mean staying entangled. Presence also includes recognising what is not good for us — and honouring that insight with action.
A practice for letting go
To support this process, I’ve recorded a short meditation on creating healthy distance. It gently guides you through visualising a boundary, unhooking emotional ties, and returning to your own inner space. The meditation closes with a poem titled Coming Home. You can find the meditation here.
Whether you're in the middle of a difficult relationship or simply carrying emotional residue from the past, this practice offers a soft but firm path back to yourself.
This process reflects a powerful inner shift described in the science of Positive Neuroplasticity using the metaphore of inner gardening:
- First, we let be – we clearly see what is.
- Then, we let go – we release what no longer serves us.
- And finally, we let in – we invite new, nourishing experiences to take root.
By creating space, we make room for connections that are more mutual, grounding, and life-enhancing. Relationships where you feel truly seen, respected, and free to be yourself.
Coming home to yourself
You don’t need to wait for clarity from the other person.
You don’t need permission to take space.
And you don’t need to feel guilty for choosing peace.
You have the right and the responsibility to protect your heart.
You are allowed to rewrite the rules of engagement.
And you are most definitely allowed to rest — and to begin again.
Peace begins not in changing others, but in coming home to yourself.
